Sunday, October 30, 2016


Anger is a good emotion to have. Not all the time though. It is important to know when to show rage and when to bottle it up. Nigeria is a complicated place and it is easy to get your priorities wrong. There are times when you must carefully consider your anger and times when you must go with the flow and just attack. Because of how complicated this is, I have offered to help with these distinctions at no charge whatsoever. Because I care. 

Political gatherings
Generally, one should not be too angry at politicians. Yes, these people determine our fate as a country and may cause the suffering or death of people through inaction, but this is not enough reason to be angry. So if say you are put on a panel with a politician we all know is a thief and a pedophile, keep your anger inside your chest and don't do a foolish thing like pulling out of the panel because a pedophile is on it. A politician deserves some understanding. Their jobs are hard. If you meet a thief who is a politician, greet them properly, with all the respect they demand. Have your nicest business cards ready. Shake their hands and present them with your business cards. Give them a nice, oily smile. (Yes if it is a really big man, he will pass your business card to his PA, but don't be angry about that. That is normal.)

Be angry. Don't ask why, just be angry. Be angry that their beliefs are different from yours, even though for most of us the only reason we are practicing the religions we are practicing is that we were born to people practicing those religions. Be angry that they pray differently from you. Be angry that they think your religion is wrong even though you also believe their religion is wrong. Be angry that they obstruct traffic even though you also obstruct traffic with your own gatherings and prayers and parties. You can never go wrong if you get angry at them. Our own government is angry at them, angry enough to massacre them and we must show support for our government. 

Look, as a society we have decided how men should look and how women should look; how men should behave and how women should behave; the kind of perfume a man should use and the kind a woman should use. If you find anyone, especially a man, not acting according to the rules we have set as a society, be very angry. Do not think of yourself when doing this. Do not wonder if you have the right to dictate how another human being should look. This will slow you down. Just be angry,  call them abominable and where you can, even physically attack a person who does not conform to the gender rules we have created, especially if such individual is a man.

This concerns you even if you are a woman because the job of keeping women in check cannot be done by men alone. Males cannot always be in female spaces so we need loyal women to make sure that women everywhere know their place. When a woman forgets her place just because she is employed and earns money, this is one place to show your anger. If a woman exercises her right to be a full human being with opinions that may be different from her husband, then you have every right to be angry. Be very angry, because if you don’t, it may happen that your own wife may see this and think that perhaps it is ok to have an opinion. And God forbid, but if you ever come across one of those women who think it is not their aim in life to cook for a man, be especially angry. Because like our president said, even if a woman is working, her job is to take care of her man. This is why she was put on this earth — to enjoy the privilege of making the lives of men easier and not to be equal human beings with their own goals and aspirations. If a woman admits to enjoying sex as much as men do, be angry and call her a shameless slut. We don't want women going around being sexual like men do.

As a general rule you must never be too angry at a person who expresses their unquestionable belief in God. That makes them children of God and God wont like you being angry at his children. So if a believer turns out to be a pedophile who likes to be with or marry young girls in their early teens, maybe shake your head but don't be too angry. At least don't show your anger. What you must never tolerate is a person who says they do not believe in God, no matter how nice or kind they are. Attack them wherever and whenever you can. Show your disgust. Tell them how despicable they are. The only exception to this rule about not being angry at believers is when those believers are Shiites. Everyone knows it is ok to attack them, even our government. 

Theft is annoying. But petty theft is even more annoying. You must show more anger at foolish petty thieves who do not even take their job of stealing seriously. You must be angry at people who steal purses and bags in the market. People who jump into houses to steal televisions or clothes. When you catch those ones, you must join the mob and beat them until they become unrecognizable. When you meet big thieves however, you must show them respect. Thieves that dress properly and sometimes have police orderlies. Thieves with mansions and titles. This is because they take their jobs seriously. 

I hope this helps. Go out and be angry today!


  1. Most definitely. I'm right on it...

  2. Another set of people to be angry with at bloggers. Even the Nigerian govt is angry enough to arrest them from time to time. be angry if they write the truth. Be angry if they give their personal opinions on an issue. Be angry because they're unmarried and wealthy. Be angry because they appreciate a tribe different from yours. Just be angry at then in general. I love you elna.

  3. This is some hilarious shit!

  4. Thanks, I'll direct my anger properly today.


You fit vex, bet abeg no curse me. You hear?