Sunday, October 9, 2016


The farm blossomed with fresh fruits and water fountains and huge tubers and healthy grain and fat smiling animals (all the wild dogs were defeated and dead) and fresh grass in a new book that White wrote about himself. Animals from other farms came onto the farm falling over themselves to just have a little spot where to stand and enjoy all of the goodness of White’s amazing farm book. They punched each other, fought each other, begged to be associated with White and his farm. In this book of photos, White did not have a pain in his side and had no trouble answering the call of nature. In this colorful book, White has no wrinkles, just immaculate white fur, sharp, gleaming eyes and nice manicured claws. 

And the farm hands of White spread word about this book and how beautiful it was. They prescribed it as the solution to all the farms problems. Staring at the immaculate photos of White and his dream farm would make all the animals feel better about themselves and their farm. Farm hands said that all those animals that wailed were just ungrateful and spoilt and disloyal. They wanted to spoil the reputation of their lord and personal savior, White. And so they sold this book to animals who wanted it. And they got animals to give testimonies about the book’s healing powers. Whitist animals came forward and said it healed them from blindness and boils and sexually transmitted diseases.

“I had pile, but just looking at White’s photo book healed me,” a turkey said.

“I had glaucoma but just staring at the glossy images in White’s book made me see clearly again,” a horse said.

“I was pregnant and although my husband’s family is full of ugly brown calves, my little calf was born white and pretty like the white and pretty cows in White’s book,” a cow said. 

“I was dying and I touched White’s book and now I may never die again,” cried an antelope. 

And because of this success in healing all of the horrible things that the recession on the farm had caused, White decided to make another book about himself with the hope that perhaps, if enough animals were loyal and buy the book, the farm would come out of the recession. 

White got an old friend of his, a loyal animal, a fox from another farm in whose eyes he could never do wrong. And this fox quickly told a story of White’s life from when he was a wild wolf taking what did not belong to him until he took over the farm recently. He made White look good. And White looked at the book and saw that it was good. And he said: “Now it the time to bring succor to my animals, to bring healing to them through this book about all the ways that I am fabulous. Because my fabulousness is contagious.” 

White infected the farm with this new book and gathered people who came and gave testimony about its healing power. 

Meanwhile an argument broke out about who suggested the appointment of White’s docile deputy Sinbad, whom everyone loved. Some claimed it was White who handpicked him. Some claimed it was a snake called Timbuktu who controlled all of the animals in the West of the farm. And there was a huge ruckus and White got agitated and called everyone to order. 

“Instead of fighting you should get my book and heal your minds. My book can solve quarrels. Just looking at the pictures will make your heart glad and encourage forgiveness even if someone has wronged you. I will suggest that for serious ailments you take this dosage: My first picture book for one hour followed by two hours of the book about me written by my friend the fox.”

And all the animals loyal to White agreed with him and proceeded to buy copies of the books. They followed the prescriptions and it worked like magic. They stopped quarreling and resuming praising and worshipping White. 

And the leader of the crocodiles kept plotting to become farm manager. 
And a hyena called Teku began preparing also to become farm manager.

And animals wanting to invest in White’s farm began falling over each other and breaking their bones. 

And some animals started closing their barns and storehouses because they didn't have any grains with which to trade.

And darkness and thirst continued to cover the face of the farm. 

And a dog in the Committee of animals called Nodee who was addicted to roller skates bought himself an expensive pair of roller skates with which he planned to roll past starving animals. 

And animals in the north east of the farm continued to face starvation mostly because they had no access to White’s picture book. 

And farm hands continued to attack ungrateful disloyal animals who would not worship White. 

And all the Whitist priests and worshippers prayed:
In the name of the White father
And of the farm hands
And of the holy Whitists…

Bless us White for we have sinned
Bless our thoughts
Bless our desires
Bless our intentions

Blessed be thy name
Thy will be done in every quarter among every animal species
Teach us to love your will
Teach us to be teachable
Teach us to trust your will even when your will may not be clear
Teach us to defend your will before it becomes your will
For thine are the decisions, the thoughts and the glory
For as long as you choose to be farm leader


  1. White did not have a pain in his side and had no trouble answering the call of nature in this colorful book lmao

  2. And White was sometimes called Muhammadu Buhari because he was a tall and lanky animal


You fit vex, bet abeg no curse me. You hear?