THE PIG WHO WON

The world of animals was in need of a new leader. The old leader, an unlikely animal to lead the world — a black sheep — had now finished his term and grown grey from the tedium that was controlling as many animal farms as he could. Understandably, animals everywhere were interested in who was going to run the world from the most powerful animal farm. Two animals, a pig and a hawk were contesting. All the animals laughed when the pig said he wanted to run the world. “How did this filthy pig even imagine that any animal would let him run the world?” animals scoffed. And as they laughed and jeered, the pig waded through the mud and spoke to other pigs. “They are laughing at us,” the pig said. “They think we are scum. But we will show them the power of scum.”

And all the lowly animals, all the despised pigs, all the hawks who were afraid of a fellow hawk disrupting the balance of things, quietly began to support the pig. And the hawk flew high parading herself like the leader  she wanted to be when it was announced that the filthy pig had just been chosen to lead the world. The hawk was so dizzy that for a moment she began to crash to the earth. The filthy pig who slept all day in muddy waters. The filthy pig that hated hawks. The filthy pig that loved to mount other random pigs without their consent. The pig was now going to run the animal world. 

Meanwhile on White’s farm, there was trepidation because even though White had a few things in common with this pig — like some of what he thought about hawks — White did not want the pig to win. But White congratulated the pig anyway and said that in spite of all of the mud, he would be happy to work with the pig. 

In the north of White’s farm, the crocodile leader with short legs and a short temper Sir Na, was still having his eye on leading the farm. He was also clamping down on crocodiles who didn't like the way he was running the crocodile swamp and throwing them in cages. He was overseeing the clampdown on bats (even though in public he shed crocodile tears when he heard crocodiles were following his lead and killing bats). He was throwing tantrums and getting angry at crocodiles who did not allow him to control them, and all the while whispering his intention ever so softly to animals to would listen. All he wanted was to take the farm someday from White. 

As White grew weary, managing the pain in his anus and his wife who was becoming ungovernable and restless, the wild dogs in the north east that he swore to have defeated started reappearing and ambushing his farm hands. Farm hands were turning up dead and barns were being set on fire. Although the wild dogs did not move as freely as they once did, they now attacked and killed farm hands of White, embarrassing him before all the animals who took him for his word that he had defeated the dogs. 

Animals on White’s farm who had become accustomed to suffering and catering for themselves through years of abuse from successive farm managers resumed their pattern of making a way where there was no way. But White’s farm hands had other ideas. They created rules to make it unnecessarily hard for animals to trade freely among each other. The farm management was not making it easy for animals to exchange goods, instead they were throwing clogs in the wheels in the name of regulation. 

By now the ranks of the Whitist priests and worshippers of White was shrinking but had by no means disappeared. There were still a few vocal priests and worshippers who were committed to the cause of upholding White as god and savior, king and commander, lord and master. And these remnants of the priests were as vicious as ever, attacking any animal they perceived as disloyal. 

White planned to meet at some point with the newly chosen pig leader of the world, hoping that somehow he would get a favorable hearing for all the assistance he wanted. But he was nervous. 

“I am afraid because they say he mounts pigs and other animals indiscriminately. Perhaps we must keep my wife in the other room if he ever visits so he does not do that to her. You know pigs and their long orgasms. Once he mounts my wife, she will never be the same again. Or maybe it is best not travel with her altogether.” 

And White’s farm hands were instructed to keep his wife hidden from the pig world leader if there was ever a meeting. 

And the cost of grain continued to rise on White's farm.  

And animals across the animal world were in shock that a pig was chosen over a hawk to run the animal world. 

And the bats on White’s farm continued to suffer discrimination with their leader tied up, blind and bloody. 

And Teku the fox also continued plotting to take over the farm from White. 

And no one knew how to get the farm back on track. 

And the wild dogs in the Southern marshlands continued to blow up water pipes. 

And it became harder and harder to speak up against White or against any of the animal leaders on the farm. 

And all the while the worshippers of White continued singing praises and praying to White their god: 

In the name of the White father

And of the farm hands

And of the holy Whitists…

Bless us White for we have sinned

Bless our thoughts

Bless our desires

Bless our intentions

Blessed be thy name

Thy will be done in every quarter among every animal species

Teach us to love your will

Teach us to be teachable

Teach us to trust your will even when your will may not be clear

Teach us to defend your will before it becomes your will

For thine are the decisions, the thoughts and the glory

For as long as you choose to be farm leader

Amen