INTERRACIAL MARRIAGE (PROHIBITION) ACT (2015)

An Act to prohibit marriages or civil unions between Nigerian males and white females and other matters related thereto.

Whereas the Federal Government of Nigeria has discovered the very American problem of decent, intelligent black men gravitating toward white women creeping slowly, imperceptibly into the Nigerian space

Whereas it is agreed by all well-meaning people that it will be a tragedy to end up with a situation where black Nigerian women cannot find partners and spouses among the pool of black Nigerian men:

1.        Marriage Contract or civil union entered between a Nigerian black male and a white female is hereby prohibited in Nigeria. It is not good.

(What do you want the black women to do with themselves?)

2.       Marriage Contract or civil union entered between a Nigerian black male and a white female by virtue of a certificate issued by a foreign country shall be void in Nigeria and any benefits accruing there from by virtue of the certificate shall not be enforced by any court of law in Nigeria. (We will not allow the West bring this bad unAfrican thing to our shores. )

3.   Marriage or civil union entered between a Nigerian black male and a white female shall not be solemnized in any place of worship either Church or Mosque or Shrine or Eckankar temple or Olumba Olumba (whatever they call their place of worship). Our religions uphold the right of black women to have black men.

4.     Only marriage contract between a Nigerian black male and a Nigerian black female is recognized as valid in Nigeria.

5.     The Registration of interracial clubs, societies and organisations, their sustenance, processions and meetings are hereby prohibited. (Why would anyone want to register such? Aren’t there real and urgent problems to form societies for like poverty and erectile dysfunction?)

6.      The public show of interracial amorous relationship directly or indirectly is hereby prohibited. (This is rubbing salt into the wound. It is bad enough that you are mocking single black women by your secret criminal interracial relationship but to make a show of interracial amorous relationship, ha, that one is aggravated assault on the psyche of black women.)

7.  Anyone engaged in the public show of interracial amorous relationship commits an offence attracting in the first instance a term of 14 years imprisonment and if repeated, forcible marriage (and consummation) with a black woman of the court’s choosing. 

8.     Persons that enter into an interracial marriage contract or civil union commit an offence and are jointly liable on conviction to a term of 14 years imprisonment each. The white woman will be deported and declared an enemy of the state. Any attempt by the said white woman to return will be treated as an act of war. (What is it with white women and our virile, circumcised men? Mtscheeuuw!)

8.      Any person who registers, operates or participates in interracial clubs, societies and organizations commits an offence and shall each be liable on conviction to a term of 10 years imprisonment.

9.      Any persons or group of persons that witnesses, abets and aids the solemnization of a interracial marriage or civil union between a Nigerian male and a white female or supports the registration of interracial clubs, societies and organisations, processions or meetings in Nigeria commits an offence and is liable on conviction to a term of 10 years imprisonment. (How can you who doesn’t eat dog meat, use your teeth to cut it for others? In fact, 14 years.)

10.   The only valid defenses to the offences above shall be: 

a.   Evidence in writing of having been violently rejected (texts, bbm, Whatsapp and Facebook rejections are admissible) by at least 20 Nigerian women evenly spread across the six geopolitical zones of the country.

b.    Evidence of a man being infertile, such evidence being from a government hospital of national repute, doctors of which must not have gone on strike in the past six months. White women can take our infertile men, as long as the men wear dark grey triangles on all items of clothing so that they are not mistakenly arrested for offences in section 6 above. 

11. It shall not be an offence for white men to marry black women. (We treat it like lesbianism. We just ignore it. It is not like we are going to give the white men citizenship by marriage anyway.)