Saturday, August 22, 2015


I have to write about America. Again. All my well-wishers have advised against it, especially as I do not yet have an American visa. And every Nigerian traveller knows that all actions need to be filtered for things that can jeopardize a visa application to a first world country. I realize the potential damage to my hustle but my calculation is that by the time I will have achieved the American visa requirements of “strong social and economic ties”, they might have forgotten about this article. You may say: what if God should bless your hustle sooner than you expect and you need to apply for an American visa, would you not have spoilt your chances? I say: let us not preempt God.

The racial tensions in America worsen by the day. One would expect that after the last few cases of police brutality and callous shootings of black people captured on camera, things would at least slow down. In the one year since the watershed event at Ferguson, Missouri where an unarmed Michael Brown was shot to death by a white police officer leading to massive protests and violence, over 300 African Americans have lost their lives in interaction with law enforcement officials.

I have written a bit about this but as a Nigerian and African I ask myself what can I do about this? I feel like posterity will judge me harshly if I do not try to save the black people in America. But I cannot send drones and I am not powerful enough to impose sanctions in America (even though I feel like it will send a powerful message if all Africans stopped keeping up with America’s most loved family, the Kardashians.) Also it is not like there are any rebels that could be supported with arms and military training. All I have are words. So I have decided to write a speech that I suggest President Buhari reads at an international press conference. I feel like Obama will listen to Buhari since they just recently became best friends. So, here is a short speech donated free of charge to President Buhari:

Dear Americans,
For the past year since the senseless killing of Michael Brown, the extraordinary turbulence happening in the greatest nation on earth has not gone unnoticed. I might have spoken up earlier but I myself was preparing for a turbulent election where I sought to dislodge politicians feeding fat on poor Nigerians. The battle was tough, but that is a matter for another day. Today it is time to speak up. Like I said once, I belong to everybody, and this includes America. In city after city in America, black people are rising up to demand basic human rights and dignity in the face of police brutality.

The wind of change that brought us into power has not stopped blowing and although it has achieved certain success in Nigeria we wish to redirect that wind to America. The events in Ferguson and the violent outbursts that have justifiably followed again and again, show us that strategies of repression reminiscent of a country under military rule are no longer sustainable. Social media and 24 hour cable television has exposed a world of astonishing contradictions where standards for global human rights are set but broken in the most brazen way.

I hear the voices from black America and they sound to me like the clear yearnings for change. I recognize those voices the same way I recognized the millions of voices in Kano, in Kaduna, in Lagos. In too many black neighborhoods in America, power has been concentrated in the hands of a few white policemen and politicians. But I tell you, change must come to America.

It is not enough to have an African American as president without the collective political will to change the decades of systematic abuse of minorities.

The wind of change can be delayed but it cannot be stopped. Nigeria opposes the use of violence and repression against the minorities of America. We look forward to working with all who embrace genuine and inclusive democracy – one that includes descendants of former slaves as well as descendants of former slave owners.

As a last resort however, we will encourage the movement of minorities to Nigeria at no cost to them. Getting a Nigerian visa is relatively easy. Even an ISIS leader and fugitive from Lebanon recently got a visa to come into Nigeria. If someone in a terror group can easily get a visa, how much more a legitimate American fleeing persecution and violence? I am not saying that we welcome terrorists and in fact we have ordered an investigation into the matter, but I am just giving you evidence that it is easy to come here. In fact I am informed by some of my aides that it is possible to buy a Nigerian passport. While we are doing our utmost to stop that, we urge as many black Americans as possible to take advantage of the window before I actually appoint officials and Ministers sometime in September.

Ultimately, it is for the blacks to take action. Whether they choose to remain in a country that tries to kill them off or take the easier route of getting Nigerian travel documents, we are committed to helping in any way that we can. That is the least we can do after helping us to dislodge the PDP.

God bless Nigeria and long live the oppressed black minorities of America. 

Thank you for listening.

PS. I also recommend that President Buhari updates the travel warning for Nigerians travelling to the United States. He is a busy guy so I have gone ahead and written the travel advice for him here.


  1. Haha! But protocol was not observed and they're big men there. I'm finding your writing interesting and enticing to venture into

  2. Your visa application dey for akara seller hand


You fit vex, bet abeg no curse me. You hear?