An Act to prohibit any form of stinginess by persons shamelessly invading the houses of their neighbours with the smell of delicious fried plantain to the detriment of good neighborliness and peace in Nigeria.
1. A person who fries plantain shall be mandated to share the said plantain with all those who by olfaction have come in contact with the delicious smell of the said fried plantain.
2. A person commits the offence of Malicious Frying of Plantain (hereinafter referred to as MFP) if –
(a) S/He blatantly and rudely undertakes the frying of delicious smelling plantain in a kitchen or in an open space and finishes such frying without sharing the fried plantain with neighbors who have been visited with hardship by enduring the smell of the said fried plantain
(b) S/He employs a cook, or otherwise commissions a third party to do the acts described in 2 (a) above.
3. A person commits the offence of Aggravated MFP if
(a) S/He blatantly and rudely undertakes the frying of delicious smelling of plantain with no intention to share the said plantain with a person who witnesses such frying or is in the same house at the time the frying is being done.
(b) S/He employs a cook or otherwise commissions a third party to do the acts described in 3 (a) above
4. It shall not be a defence to MFP or Aggravated MFP that the victim is a family member or a spouse.
5. A person commits the offence of conspiracy to commit MFP if they witness the acts described in section 2 of this Act without promptly performing a citizen’s arrest or reporting same to the authorities.
6. A person commits the offence of conspiracy to commit Aggravated MFP if they witness the acts described in section 3 of this Act without promptly performing a citizen’s arrest or reporting same to the authorities.
7. Where a person is charged with an offence under this Act, they shall undergo psychiatric evaluation as well as therapy to discover the root cause of such wickedness.
8. A person who commits an offence under this Act shall be liable upon conviction to 14 years imprisonment where they shall learn the virtues of good neighborliness and plantain sharing.
9. A person who is a victim of an offence under this Act shall be entitled to therapy to heal them from the hurt that results from MFP and Aggravated MFP, during which period they will be served generous portions of delicious fried plantain. The cost of this therapy will be borne by the person convicted of the offence under this Act.
awww, bad belle law - issallowed.
ReplyDeleteThere is no Interpretation/Definition Section. I think certain terms in the Act should be defined. I can offer an instance:
ReplyDelete10. In this Act, unless the context otherwise admits:
"Delicious" in relation to smell means such aroma, or other olfactory sensation that renders a Victim psychologically distraught from the act of stinginess on the part of the person committing an act of MFP or Aggravated MFP.
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ReplyDeleteBut Nigerians are so wicked. They will fry a whole bunch of plantain and open their doors to torment the neighbourhood while claiming it's because they want to "smoke" to "escape". Evil people. To worsen the situation my neighbour is a caterer. Every weekend I stare longingly out of my window watching them turn the golden brown plantain in the hot sizzling oil. I don't even want to think about it right now! God will judge her.
ReplyDeleteThis was the reason why I didn't fry plantain in the university. I was caring and selfless enough to realise that once I start frying it I won't have enough to feed the throng of girls I would have indirectly invited to the kitchen.
You're on point, Bae
ReplyDelete