WHY WE MUST FORGIVE JONATHAN FOR DANCING

The whole world has been on President Jonathan’s case this week. He seems not to have got anything right. First there was the terrible bomb blast that took the lives of nearly 100 persons. Then there was the kidnap of over 200 school girls. It is not easy to be president at a time like this. I do not envy him. It is for this reason I will not be hard on him this week. 

Many were upset that instead of mourning, Mr Jonathan’s first move was to go on a campaign visit to Kano. But the biggest issue was not that he went frolicking during a national emergency. It was that, while he was frolicking, he danced. I cannot count how many articles by jobless people I have since read on his dancing. The man is my political rival but I will show the spirit of sportsmanship and defend him this one time. 

People haven’t stopped to consider the philosophy behind dancing after you have lost hundreds of your citizens to terrorists. But we must disregard what silly things Labaran Maku said in defence of Mr Jonathan. He said: “This president has suffered psychologically as a result of this criminality. I think going to Kano was a statement, a loud statement that terrorism will not stop the administration of this country.” Maku needs to be sacked. I will tell you the real reason why the president danced and why all god-fearing persons must forgive him. 

Let us take a moment to talk about dancing.

We’re fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. -A Japanese proverb.

Goodluck is a reading man. How else would he have got his PhD? Granted his PhD is in the scientific study of animals and not humans but he must have read many books to get there. And they say the more you read, the more you realize how little you know. People insult the president often and call him foolish, but he has turned this into power by proving that better a dancing fool than a fool who will not dance.  

The one thing that can solve most of our problems is dancing. - James Brown

Do you realize how much can be achieved by just moving ones feet and waist to a rhythm as delivered by Sani Danja? Let me list a few medical benefits:

1.     First it improves blood circulation.

 
Who does not want a president with the right amount of blood going to his heart? This is a matter of national security. A president with blood travelling at the wrong speeds or in the wrong direction is a risk to all of us.

2.    It reduces the risk of cardiovascular disease.

We all remember what happened to Abacha. The man was not a dancer. As a dictator, your heart needs a bit of dancing. He had many secluded spaces where he could have danced in the fortress that is the presidential villa but he didn’t. And with an increasingly weak heart he tried to match his strength with those of persons younger than he was. The rest is modern history.

3.    Helps to tackle obesity.

Who wants a fat president? A fat president is distracting. Why do you think Zimbabweans, against all conventional logic keep voting Mugabe and have refused to vote the bloated Tsvangirai? Mugabe hasn’t gained weight since the 80’s and Tsvangirai, a much younger man, is already threatening to burst even before he takes full power. Which is why I am going to invest in a presidential gym. I have also reduced my alcohol intake in preparation for 2015. And I dance. Get behind me obesity.

4.    Improves sexual health.

As in 1. above, dancing makes the blood flow well, which in turn allows for healthy sex. For men especially, we know it is all about blood flow. If we are not getting enough blood down to the holy of holies, rising to the occasion becomes difficult. We cannot afford to have a dissatisfied First Lady. This is a security risk. We all know that dissatisfied spouses can destroy an empire. So if the president has to dance, please let him dance. 

Dance first. Think later. It’s the natural order. - Samuel Beckett

Samuel Beckett made a lot of sense here. I like that he went to Kano and danced before he did anything. Mr Jonathan is in touch with nature. Any other thing would have been unnatural. 

Music saves more lives than war, so put your gun down and get on the dance floor- Ritu Ghatourey

This is true. Who did Jonathan hurt by dancing? If you were to choose between the president who danced and the terrorists who have dragged us into war, would you not choose the one who saves lives? 

There are so many reasons I could give but I hope that with these few points of mine you are convinced and not confused that it is better to have a president who dances than one who doesn’t. 

PS: My heart goes out to the families of the deceased and kidnapped victims of this week’s senseless attacks.