So you survived. You decided to stay at least for a while. You are
renting a house with a generator and you take your anti-malaria pills
regularly. Sometimes on a night out you want to enjoy the breeze and you
wear shorts so your carry your insect repellent spray that makes you
smell like agro-chemicals. But you will stay in Nigeria. God will bless
you.
But there is a problem. You have been going to the big mall with
bright lights and straight colorful aisles complete with signs and
directions. What is the use of leaving malls in your country with all
the processed food and come here to the same thing? After all, this is
Africa where everything is as God made it abi? So you need to conquer
your fear of savage Africans, kidnappers, suicide bombers, and those
guys killing each other in the name of foreign religions- all those
things they wrote in your travel advisory. It’s time to fold your
sleeves and enter the market. But wait! Not without these tips.
You might want get rid of that ugly, wide brimmed hat and dark
sunglasses. It makes you look like a tourist with plenty of foreign
currency. Consequently you will pay 5 times the amount for anything you
buy. Be wise. You will not lose your skin. Use a little sunscreen if you
have to. You are already white; don’t attract more attention to
yourself. You might want to avoid open shoes- not many markets have
their paths paved with concrete.
If you don’t like being touched or heckled, then you will need to
get used to it very quickly. Your arms will be held, your shirt pulled,
you will be dragged. If you are white, (or even almost white), you will
be called ‘Oyibo’ in the market and whistled at. Don’t go feeling like a
celebrity with paparazzi all around and lose yourself. They don’t love
you. It’s your money they want- they do it to us too. Just keep moving
until you find the item that you are looking for.
Someone will follow you and ask you what you are looking for. Ignore
him. You need to find your own way. You may get lost but all will be
well. Learning a few words of pidgin might help and even if they laugh
at your pronunciation, it will give you leverage for your bargaining.
Now, you have found the item you want. Don’t try to be too friendly
or smile. Don’t take his friendliness for niceness. He is not nice.
There are no exceptions. You ask, ‘How much’. (It might help to ask for
the market price of the item you want to buy from your driver or
security guard before going to the market). He will look at you and
without any fear or shame mention an amount that should give you a heart
attack. The temptation will be strong but No, don’t do it- don’t do a
mental conversion to dollars or pounds or whatever superior currency
your country has. That would just mess things up in your head.
Whatever price he tells you, divide by 4 if it is an item of
clothing, electronics (or if the man is Igbo). Divide by two if it is a
food item (or if the man is Hausa). Now the mentality of the Hausa
Muslim trader is quite different from that of the Igbo trader. If the
market is in the north especially, the Hausa Muslim trader is likely to
come close to the actual market price after one or two tries accompanied
by a plea in the name of God. (This is changing with a few Hausa
traders who live and trade in the South. So in the South treat them all
the same.)
Don’t be afraid to call a low price. Never buy at the first or
second store except it is a food item and you like what you see. Leave
the store if you don’t get the bargain you want and try as many stores
as you have the time for. After three or four stores, you will begin to
have a fair idea of the real market price.
Sometimes you will ask for an item that the store owner doesn’t
have. If he has to leave his store to get it, ask him not to bother. The
idea is simple: he will get it from another store and usually add his
own little profit to the market price. You have legs, walk out yourself
and look for it.
Even if you have struck a bargain, do not be afraid to abandon it if
at any time before you pay for it you have a feeling the price isn’t
right. If it doesn’t feel right, it usually isn’t right. Don’t be fooled
by words like, ‘this is the last price’, ‘even I didn’t get it at that
price’, ‘you can’t get it anywhere for that amount’ or my personal
favorite ‘I am giving you this price because it is you’-as if the bugger
ever knew you before!
You will be sweaty, your shoes might get muddy, your shirt and hands
will have the finger prints of scores of traders, you will nearly lose
your voice haggling, but it will be rewarding. At home you will lay out
the items you have bought and cherish them, knowing how much work it
took to get them at the right price. As you step into the shower to wash
off that sweat and dirt, you will feel a sense of fulfillment that no
mall with artificial lights can give you, a sense of achievement. You
will say to yourself, thank God I came to this wonderful country.
