Sunday, June 26, 2016

MONEY COMES, MONEY GOES, MONEY MULTIPLIES


The wealthiest animal in all of White’s animal farm was a chameleon called Dangod who, through friendships with every single farm manager, managed to have special rules which saw him increase in wealth as the years went by. Dangod changed color so that he resembled every animal that was in power. He supported them and knew never to openly challenge any farm manager or show partisan support. If two animals were vying to become leaders of their quarters, he supported them both. Dangod was friends with Goodhead as well as White; friends of Goodhead as well as Whitists priests. He was the color of everyone without allowing anyone’s color rub off on him. And by so doing quietly became praised as the wealthiest animal who employed the highest number of animals. 

As soon as a crisis hit the farm and White let go of his stubborn insistence on keeping the cost of grains on his farm artificially low, Dangod lost a lot of his wealth. Still, animals praised Dangod every chance they could as a hard working animal who helped many animals get food and gainful employment. It didn’t matter that if more animals had the kind of access Dangod had, the farm might have produced far more super wealthy animals like Dangod. But no animal could say this because Dangod was friends with everyone while being attached to no one. 

Secretly every farm manager who ever governed the farm made pilgrimages to Dangod and worshipped him. But since White was too much of an animal god himself, he sent his docile deputy Sinbad to perform the secret acts of worship on his behalf. Sinbad bowed down and kissed Dangod, visited his playgrounds and declared them holy sites of worship, and apologised to him for all that he had lost. And Dangod was happy that this farm management like those before them knew that he was god. 

The crisis that hit the farm also exposed other animals who pretended to be wealthy. One animal, a kangaroo called Hen Hurry (because of how much he was in a hurry to speak in matters that didn’t concern him), was rumoured to have a business empire which included a pageant for peacocks and a hilltop for viewing the sun while eating the most expensive sweetened grains. Not a day went by when he did not say something mean about White and about how White had no common sense. He put his businesses forward as sterling examples of his capacity to lead with nothing more than common sense. One day, a committee on the farm in charge of collecting debts uncovered that his fortune was based on a lie, a debt he had collected and never repaid. The committee concluded that if he had any common sense at all he would have run businesses that turned profit enough to at least start repaying his debts. They took over his properties and took control of the hill where he used to sell expensive sweetened grains. The committee declared that no animal should have to pay so much for grains while being entertained. And they began giving away his sweetened grains for free. 

Somewhere in the West of the farm, an obnoxious species leader, a wild rabid dog called Fayourshit was barking wildly and saying vile things about White. He did this, beating his chest, reminding animals that there were rules preventing White from arresting or harming any species leader while such leader was in power. Fayourshit bragged that no creature born of an animal could touch him. So White asked one of his farm hands to confiscate a warehouse where Fayourshit had stashed goods he had stolen. When this happened Fayourshit went wild and began roll in the dust to protest what had been done to him. But all the animals, fed up with his wild barking and calisthenics paid him no heed. And they walked past as he swore that it was illegal to confiscate his property. 

White’s genocidal farm hand Dick-Tai, in spite of all of his brutality was a great saver of resources. He knew how to make five loaves of bread and two fishes feed five thousand animals and still have remnants. It was through this saving power that he was able to purchase expensive property on a fancy farm far away. And haters of Dick-Tai began to scream about him owning property in foreign farms, about him stealing when he worked for Goodhead, but White knew that Dick-Tai was only a great saver. Yes he was genocidal, but genocide was needed to keep animals loyal on the farm. But he was no thief. 

“You should ask Dick-Tai to teach you how to save instead of calling him a thief,” White told the animals who complained. 

While all of this was going on, far away in the farm where White’s favourite veterinarian lived, there was chaos. Long ago, before White or White’s parents were born, this farm had invaded a quarter of all the farms that existed. They enslaved animals and forced them to act and speak like them. They massacred animals on many farms and set fire to some. But slowly their power waned and they did not have the resources to keep simultaneously destroying a quarter of all the farms. So, they slowly left farm after farm, without fixing any of the things they had destroyed. Consequently, some of the animals from the farms they had destroyed migrated to their now wealthy, powerful farm. Over the years they became animals from farms all over the animal world - farms they had destroyed and others - were now invading their farm to work and live and adopt it as their new home. And because the animals that came from other places worked cheaply, the animals originally from the farm became lazy and refused to do any jobs like cleaning or serving or transporting animals from one places to the other. Suddenly, now, they panicked and claimed that they had too many foreign animals on their farm and needed to kick them all out, forgetting that they once, without invitation, invaded a quarter of all farms. 


And White continued to manage his health, having just returned from the veterinarian.

And Fayourshit continued to complain about his seized stolen property. 

And White’s genocidal farm hand continued to harass animals in the east of the farm.

And the souls of the bats massacred by the genocidal Dick-Tai cried out for justice. 

And associates of White continued to watch him closely preparing for any eventuality and positioning themselves to take over. 

And farm hands of White began to steal grains recovered from animals who had once stolen grains. 

And Whitists continued to worship White, day and night, praying at intervals:


“Oh White teach us how to save and multiply our resources like your farm hand Dick-Tai.”


Sunday, June 19, 2016

WHITE WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS

And it came about that White made the trip to the veterinarian to look into his anal problem occurring especially after the second push. While he was receiving very expensive care from skilled veterinarians, he kept one eye on the farm, not handing over to his docile deputy Sinbad, who for the most part was content with leading Whitist praise worship sessions. 

As White’s rectum got invaded and thoroughly examined, his farm hands made certain changes to the way grains were priced and decided that instead of forcing animals to exchange grains at a certain value, the cost of grains would be determined by market forces. White often let his farm hands make the difficult announcements while he was away, like when he increased the price of water through his farm hand Na Ci Ku. He could just not bring himself to doing the exact opposite of what he had sworn he would never do: remove subsidies on water and allow the price of grains be determined by demand and supply. Whitists had the unenviable task of eating their words after attacking and killing animals who disagreed with White, only to have White backtrack and do the exact opposite. They did not even show any shame. They only said when challenged: “White works in mysterious ways.”

This trip of White was not like the last though. He really felt at home with the veterinarians. In fact, farm hands and friends made the long trip to the faraway farm where the veterinary hospital was to visit him. White even sent letters to the farm from there as though he was a foreign farm manager.

“I could govern the farm from here,” White told a junior farm hand of his. “It is better here: there are veterinary doctors, there is no darkness, no wild dogs blow up water pipelines and I do not need a hundred animals to protect me here. It is great.”

Two close allies of White, both of whom had intentions of running the farm someday were among those who went to visit him. They said they were going to check on their perfect leader and spent considerable amounts on the journey. They smiled and took photos with White and upon returning, assured the farm animals that although White looked frail and was in hospital to make his anus less painful, he was hale and hearty. Some animals whispered that those two only wanted to see for themselves what state White was in, as they planned to position themselves in the event that he became too frail to lead the farm. 

As White was being fixed by the veterinarians from the inside out, some members from the committee of animals whose job it was to check the powers of White were also travelling outside the farm. They were put up in very comfortable animal quarters in the big farm they visited. One of them, a pig from the north of the farm, while settling in, asked for one of the helpers to bring him some water. As the animal, a lamb brought in the water, he got instantly aroused and asked the lamb to lie down for just one minute. The lamb refused and the pig grabbed the lamb and began to mount the lamb before the lamb was able to escape and report to the animals in charge of the animal quarters. A second pig and member of the committee asked at the reception if there were any female pigs in the area who would take some grains in exchange for some mounting, an act which was illegal in this large farm. As both pigs returned to the farm, the leader of the big farm they had just visited wrote a petition and asked that something be done about these committee members who instead of working were looking for other animals to mount. 

In response, the pigs claimed that it was not an offence to mount other animals and that no pig should be made to feel bad because of the needs imposed on it by the length of its orgasms. “There is a reason pigs need a long time to orgasm,” the first of the accused pigs said. “In fact,” the second pig added, “in our farm, mounting animals passing by is no big deal. We do it and get away with it everyday. Why should it be different just because we travelled? The animals should have just enjoyed us and showed gratitude that we were even interested in mounting them.”

And more gangs of wild dogs began organising themselves to blow up water pipes in the marshlands.

And darkness continued to cover the face of the farm.

And White’s genocidal farm hand Dick-Tai continued to operate by killing animals who stood in his way, more now in the east of the farm.

And all the animals on the farm completely forgot the hundreds of bats that were massacred and buried by the genocidal Dick-Tai.

And certain animals continued to make speculations about the health of White and whether he could carry on leading the farm for three more years.

And some associates of White continued planning on how to replace White in the event that he was unable to continue leading the farm. 

And White continued to receive visitors and write letters to his farm from his bed far, far away. 

And the worshippers of White continued to sing and chant praises to White even after he changed his mind about some policies and left them looking foolish. 

Sunday, June 12, 2016

AN ANAL PROBLEM



And it came to pass that after many days of pretending and struggling to walk straight, White finally admitted that in the quiet moments when he went into the bushes to answer the call of nature, he felt extreme pain, especially after the second push. Always after the second push the contractions would reveal themselves causing a sharp pain in the anus.

White sat with his farm hands talking about how they would handle the spread of this information especially as non worshippers of White had begun shamelessly spreading rumours about his health. This became all the more important because now, he had to travel to see a veterinarian in a farm far far away. And worse, in public, people could hear him scream each time he went to relieve himself, right after the second push. 

His farm hands deliberated and argued over the wording of the statement. Some of them were of the opinion that while the fact of an ailment should be mentioned, they should not be too specific, perhaps even changing the type of ailment altogether. Others wanted no mention of an ailment at all, stating that White should simply say he was leaving the farm for some unspecified diplomatic mission. A few were of the opinion that White should just mention it and silence the disloyal non-worshippers. Once you mention it, they argued, the animals will have even more sympathy with White and will revere him eternally for being honest. The farm hands who wanted to change the nature of the illness argued that most animals, especially worshippers of White, were of the opinion that White did not answer the call of nature, that he was too White and holy for that, that he was a god among animals, that he had no animal weaknesses like pain after the second push.

While they were deliberating, animals began to speculate loudly and the farm hands quickly decided to downplay the nature of the ailment. They published the information about White’s imminent veterinarian visit as follows:

White, first of his name, commander of the faithful, holy of holies, first among animals who has neither defect nor ailment is desirous of making a public statement to his faithful worshippers. He wants them to know that he feels what they feel. He wants them to know that he knows what they know about pain and suffering. Consequently, White will go to a foreign farm to rest and reflect on how to perfect his mission of making gold and diamonds sprout from the ground. While resting he will visit a specialist for the grooming of his tail, the grooming of which has been difficult in recent times. Only because he is busy attending to his followers. Only because he is busy making sure that gold and diamonds sprout from the ground and all animals have orgasms the length of pigs. Because all animals deserve thirty minute orgasms. Except White. For White is no mortal animal in need of worldly pleasures. 

As they groomed him in preparation for his visit to the veterinarian, White reminded his farm hands to be diligent in protecting the faith of Whitism and to be wary of animal saboteurs. And they all swore on their lives and the lives of their children that they defend his right to go and rest at a time when the farm was falling to pieces. They swore they would defend his not having a veterinarian on the farm who could treat a simple issue such as pain in the anal cavity (after the second push). They swore they would give examples of other farm managers who had to leave their farms to veterinarians on other farms far away. But most of all they would be sure to accuse all who accused White of mismanaging the farm of collusion with the previous corrupt administration of Goodhead. 

And all the Whitist worshippers said prayers for White.

And farm hands, led by workers of Dick-Tai continued to suppress protests across the farm by killing animals.

And the animals on the farm totally forgot the issue of the hundreds of bats who were buried by Dick-Tai.

And food became scarcer and scarcer.

And wild dogs continued to blow up the water pipes in the marshlands.

And wild wolves, brothers of White continued to retaliate across the farm, freely.

And the farm hands worked overtime singing hymns and reminding animals how lucky they were to have White. 


And White lay on his bed in a farm far far away, dreaming of a land sprouting gold and diamonds and hoping that his anus would heal quickly and that he could safely go beyond the second push. 

Saturday, June 4, 2016

A FARM PRAYER


A curfew was declared and all the animals were summoned and a farm hand stood on a pedestal opposite White who sat on his throne. And the farm hand made all the animals repeat after him:


In the name of the White father
And of his deputy son
and of the holy Whitist worshippers 

Bless us father for we are about to sin.
We are about to sin because we are about to think
We are about to think because we are mortal 
and weak 
and curious.
Our weakness is about to be betray us
and tell us to as questions
Like why you have cancelled your trips to the different animal quarters
Like why your loyal deputy and son Sinbad Joe 
went to the marshlands instead of you
Why he represented you outside the farm…
But we are loyal and hate to sin
So we will not let our weakness betray us
We feel the questions coming on 
when we see you wince in pain
we lowly animals wonder
why a Wolf so white and fierce
so beautiful
so holy
can succumb to low feelings like pain
or how
how you are like us
who hurt
who age
who can be wrong
But we will not let those questions take root
We see it for what it is:
gangrene that will spread
and cause disloyalty. 
We are not disloyal
We are not disloyal
We are not disloyal
You are not in pain
You do not age
You wince to show that you can be like us
But you are higher than us

Forgive us White for we have sinned 
We have not killed the animals who question you
We have only screamed at them 
Threatened them
Mocked them
We have not found the energy
that we have for our gods
to find and kill any who insult them
to behead any animal, sheep or swan
that dares defecate where ouR gods sleep
that dares question the shape of our gods’ bodies
for the sculptures that the gods inhabit are not gods but mere holders of holiness
so it does not matter if they have ugly noses
But dear White,
We will
We will find the strength to behead traitors
Because a dead animal is better than a disloyal one. 

Forgive us White for all our sins.
For wanting you to fulfil your promises
For allowing question in our heads
about your whereabouts and the pain in your side 
For entertaining this sin
For not rooting it out as soon as it rears it’s disloyal head

We know dear White,
We know you will do everything
Make the pipes flow with milk and honey
Defeat the wild dogs blowing up water pipes
Make the cost of grains on the farm stable
Make the bats who threaten you disappear
Advice slaughtered animals to be more careful next time
Deal with the darkness all across the farm
and deal with the fucking animals who do not worship you.

We end dear White, with our usual prayer:
In the name of the White father
And of the farm hands
And of the holy Whitists…

Bless us White for we have sinned
Bless our thoughts
Bless our desires
Bless our intentions

Blessed be thy name
Thy will be done in every quarter among every animal species
Teach us to love your will
Teach us to be teachable
Teach us to trust your will even when your will may not be clear
Teach us to defend your will before it becomes your will
For thine are the decisions, the thoughts and the glory
For as long as you choose to be farm leader
Amen

Sunday, May 29, 2016

JUBILATION


This is the day that our joy was made
We shall rejoice and be glad 
This is the day our White lord came
Let his enemies run mad
This is the day Goodhead was broken
We shall rejoice and be glad
This is the day our pain was gone
We shall rejoice and be glad

The Whitist priests set up banners all over the farm to celebrate White’s one year anniversary. They organised road blocks and made all animals passing say, “It’s White till I die” before they could pass. 

While animals gathered in groups to discuss what had been gained so far on the farm, it became increasingly impossible for the animals to hear each other because of the jubilant cries of worshippers of White. 

This is the day our joy was made 
We shall rejoice and be glad…

While the celebrations went on one of the animal quarters in the west of the farm was considering how best to tackle the menace of wild wolves, brothers of White, who had been launching attacks all over the farm wherever they felt threatened. The head of one of the quarters, a toad called Fayourshit rallied all the animals living under him and told them to arm themselves since White was insisting on doing nothing about it. 

“For every wild wolf you kill,” Fayourshit began, “I will give you a pouch made from the skin under the arm of baboons. You know those pouches have magical powers and are very rare. But this is important to me. Stopping the wild wolves is important to me.” 

And animals loyal to White were incensed that Fayourshit made this proposal. The baboons especially were so angry that this toad had the guts to promise a pouch made out of their skin. Their leader held an animal conference and said:

“He couldn’t even say snake skin - snakes shed their skin and don't need it. But a baboon would have to die or be seriously injured to get skin under the arm. Fayourshit is simply crazy.”

Meanwhile with the increase in the cost of water, the wild dogs blowing up water pipes in the southern marshlands, wild wolves going on rampage and the darkness that covered the face of the farm, all the animals forgot the issue of the bats. It was now the dry season and the carcasses of the bats that had been slaughtered by White’s genocidal farm hand Dick-Tai had stopped swelling and had begun to dry out. Animals walked over dry bat carcasses like they were just little chunks of wood. Whitist priests even began collecting the dry carcasses and using them for bonfires during their overnight crusades and vigils. Animals had their own preoccupations. They had all forgotten, so soon, of the baby bats that were killed alongside their mothers, some buried alive. Animals had forgotten that White, (while supporting his farm hand in the genocide with his body language), promised a full investigation of the events that led to the massacre of hundreds of bats in one day. No animals created pressure groups. No animals protested in the streets. No animals created placards. No animals did anything. 

This is the day our White lord came
We shall rejoice and be glad…

Meanwhile a new breed of wild dogs had started threatening the water supply of the farm. They claimed that the old breed of wild dogs who used to blow up water pipes had lost their spines. They began hitting water pipe after water pipe, claiming responsibility and making it harder for the farm to get water. White, moved to anger, swore to crush this new breed of wild dogs. 

“I don’t want to know why they are blowing up water pipelines,” said White. And I don’t want to know. I just know that I will skin them alive when I catch them.”

As food became scarce because of a new disease that spread through the fields destroying plants on the farm, the farm hand in charge of publicity for White, Mai Karya gathered animals to remind them of White’s goodness.

“The promises that White made when he took over this farm are being fulfilled. Donkeys are growing longer ears. The blind mice can see. The fish can now walk. Pigs are having hairier tails and longer orgasms. And we are working on a proposal to extend the orgasm of all animals especially chickens who last only about two seconds. Only ungrateful animals question White.”

This is the day our pain was gone
Let us rejoice and be glad…

And rescued lambs who were not special lambs belonging to the German shepherd A Sex continued to be ignored. 

And White contemplated which of his farm animals to fire shortly following his first anniversary.

And the farm became harder and harder to live in. 

And the Whitist priests and worshippers sang louder and louder as the day of the anniversary drew close. 

And animals crushed the dry carcasses of massacred bats as they walked ,erasing the massacre from their minds.

And White refused to make a public statement about his wild brothers. 

And in many corners of the farm, as White prepared to make his speech, Whitist worshippers chanted with tears in their eyes:

In the name of the White father
And of the farm hands
And of the holy Whitists…

Bless us White for we have sinned
Bless our thoughts
Bless our desires
Bless our intentions

Blessed be thy name
Thy will be done in every quarter among every animal species
Teach us to love your will
Teach us to be teachable
Teach us to trust your will even when your will may not be clear
Teach us to defend your will before it becomes your will
For thine are the decisions, the thoughts and the glory
For as long as you choose to be farm leader

Amen

Saturday, May 21, 2016

THE FIRST WHITE ANNIVERSARY


The rampaging wolves, brothers of White that kept invading the centre of the farm and killing animals in retaliation for their property being stolen, were becoming bolder. Whereas in the past they would disappear into thin air and be silent until their next attack, they now made public statements about why they attacked animals. White dismissed the people who claimed that the rampaging wolves were equal to the wild dogs on the eastern edge of the north of the farm. “They are just playing,” he said. “They like to play rough, my wolf brothers. Everything will be ok.” 

And the Whitist priests swore that these wolves were not White’s brothers. They swore that the wild wolves were foreign wolves. And all the Whitists agreed.

Meanwhile, throughout the farm and in many farms around, a great celebration broke out. This celebration happened to coincide with animals questioning why White would raise the cost of water in the farm and what he had been doing in the one year since he became farm manager. The anniversary of his taking over was close and there was a need to show evidence that it was worth it dumping Goodhead and his criminal farm hands. 

There were clear achievements that White could claim. Many of the sheep, lamb, swans and ducks that had been abducted by wild dogs in the north of White’s farm were gradually being discovered or rescued by his farm hands. But this was not the cause of the wild celebrations. 

Groups of animals had in fact been protesting the way these rabid dogs operated. One prominent group, led by a German shepherd, A Sex, was created in response to a particular raid when Goodhead was farm manager which saw a few hundred lambs herded away violently by the rabid dogs. A Sex barked loudly throughout the farm to raise awareness about the plight of these lambs. Goodhead hated this German shepherd and thought that it was all an attempt to undermine him.

A Sex refused to be distracted by anyone. Not even by the herding away of other sheep, the killing of lambs and the stealing of swans and ducks that the rabid dogs continued to do after those particular lambs were taken. Sheep and swans and ducks were affected, yes. Even other lambs. But A Sex insisted: the focus was on the return of lambs. Not any lambs. Those particular lambs. A Sex’s lambs. Bring back my lambs, A Sex cried. “The lambs are a metaphor for all animals taken,” A Sex insisted.

Now, a lamb - one of A Sex’s lambs - had been found by White’s farm hands. Tailors were called in, veterinarians, animal photographers, and horses to carry this lamb from animal quarter to animal quarter. The German shepherd praised the gods of his animal ancestors for bringing this lamb home. And the photographers took photos. And the horses galloped from one place to another with the lamb. And the veterinarians drew the lamb’s blood to check for diseases. This lamb was the reason for all the celebrations.

And all the other sheep and lambs (not belonging to A Sex) and ducks and swans that were recently rescued from the wild dogs (and subsequently ignored) looked on in amazement at the treatment this special lamb was getting. And they wished they were A Sex’s lambs.

Shortly thereafter another lamb was rescued alongside 96 other sheep and swans and ducks. The lamb closely resembled one of A Sex’s lost lambs. And voices rose preparing for celebration. And photographers came out, dusting their cameras. And horses were prepared. But it turned out the lamb was just another lamb rescued from wild dogs. And A Sex and all the photographers and all the horses paused. And they swore that they cared as they walked away.

“We care about you lamb, but you were not the one we were waiting for. You were only a false alarm. Now move out of the way in case A Sex’s lamb shows up. We need good photos.”

***
Down in the crocodile quarters of White’s farm, the leader of the farm Sir Na Gajere and one of the crocodile elders Goshi Mai Rakumi were having a big fight in the swamps. Goshi Mai Rakumi was angry that Sir Na Gajere was plotting to have him kicked out of the committee of crocodile elders. He ranted and raved and swore that there was nothing Sir Na could do. He said that Sir Na was only jealous of him because he was taller than him. The crocodiles, struggling to find food were too tired to take sides in this fight between elders. All they wanted was food. 

And White prepared for his first anniversary as farm manager. 

And the photographers kept telling stories of A Sex’s single lamb that was recently rescued. 

And other rescued animals continued to look on in silence. 

And the volunteers working on the gargantuan statue of White to mark his first year as farm manager worked tirelessly.

And Whitist worshippers all across the farm chanted in unison:

In the name of the White father
And of the farm hands
And of the holy Whitists…

Bless us White for we have sinned
Bless our thoughts
Bless our desires
Bless our intentions

Blessed be thy name
Thy will be done in every quarter among every animal species
Teach us to love your will
Teach us to be teachable
Teach us to trust your will even when your will may not be clear
Teach us to defend your will before it becomes your will
For thine are the decisions, the thoughts and the glory
For as long as you choose to be farm leader

Amen

Sunday, May 15, 2016

THE TRUE COST OF WATER

A few years before Goodhead lost ownership of the farm to White, he proposed an increase in the cost of water sourced from pipes in the southern marshes of the farm. He said that he wanted the animals to pay the true cost of supplying water to their quarters which at the time the farm management was subsidising. The whole farm went livid and the farm ground to a halt. White, at the time just an ordinary wolf wanting to become farm manager, joined other animals to shut down the farm in response. White even said that anyone who claimed to be subsidising water was a liar and a thief. He claimed that it was the animals who were subsidising Goodhead and his criminal friends who were supplying water. Ultimately, Goodhead had to bribe some of the protest leaders with loans from the proceeds of savings from the proceeds of the partial removal of the subsidy on water. 

Now that White was farm manager it became clear how difficult it was getting the resources to keep the water flowing. The water had to be purified outside the farm and they had to pay for this with crops that were grown outside the farm. Sourcing these foreign crops for use in the exchange was becoming more and more expensive and White did not know what to do. 

To solve this problem White’s farm hands came up with an idea to increase the price of water. But White could not face the animals and tell them that he was increasing the cost of water. So he found an excuse: he went on a trip to a large farm 6 hours away and let one of his farm hands handle the bad news. The farm hand, a penguin named Na Ci Ku, explained to animals that the cost of water would rise by over 200%. The animals asked him if this was a removal of the subsidy but since Na Ci Ku was an animal that had sworn a blood oath about lying, it was hard for him to lie. So he just said that he did not want to go into the semantics of whether it was a removal of the subsidy on water or not. He just said that he wanted to convey White’s intention to let animals pay a more realistic cost for water. He said that this would save the farm a lot of resources which it was using to fully subsidise water. 

Meanwhile, White was having the time of his life outside the farm, being courted by different prominent farm managers. Before he left he had begun a game called “Guess What I Am Thinking?” with his farm hands. The animals would be agitated over an issue and he would walk around his quarters, silently winking at everyone, waiting for someone to guess what he was thinking. 

A foreign farm manager, from a farm that was full of sea otters who were historically notorious for raping baby seals and other animals, started casting aspersions on White’s farm. The farm manager Na Ci Alade was overheard telling other farm managers that White’s farm was full of rapist animals. This, coming from a farm manager who was sea otter, infuriated people on many farms. They called him a hypocrite. White’s farm hands issued a statement condemning Na Ci Alade and calling him a hypocrite. White watched his farm hands waiting for them to correctly guess what his opinion on the matter was. When White was outside the farm, foreign animals asked him to confirm what his farm hands had said in reaction to Na Ci Alade. “No,” White said, “I do not think Na Ci Alade is a hypocrite. I do not condemn him. He may come from a farm full of rapist animals, but all I want is for him to return the grains hidden by previous managers on my farm and their friends stashed there.” 

White giggled, since his farm hands had failed to predict what he was thinking. He found it funny that he always said the opposite of what they had told other animals about him. 

One of White’s farm hands Mai Karya, intoxicated by all the fermented grapes he had access to as farm hand, declared one evening that he did not owe animals an explanation of how he used the resources in the farm. Mai Karya was drunkenly singing hymns and praises to White as he told animals to stay out of his business as he used resources belonging to the farm. 

As the price of water increased, animals stopped walking long distances for fear that they would get thirsty on the way and be unable to afford water. Animals started mating infrequently because they didn’t want to get exhausted and dehydrated in the process. Pigs especially, known for having thirty minute orgasms started reconsidering the nature of their sexual liaisons. They held meetings proposing a change to shorter orgasms, like those of chickens. Saves water, they argued.

And Whitist priests continued recruiting worshippers for White. 

And White continued to enjoy his game of “Guess What I Am Thinking?” with his farm hands.

And some animals began to ask what happened to all the promises White made when he became farm manager. 

And wild dogs in the southern marshes of the farm threatened to burst all the water pipes that led from the marshes all across the farm. 

And worshippers of White continued praying for his safe return and singing his praises and chanting the words:

In the name of the White father
And of the farm hands
And of the holy Whitists…

Bless us White for we have sinned
Bless our thoughts
Bless our desires
Bless our intentions

Blessed be thy name
Thy will be done in every quarter among every animal species
Teach us to love your will
Teach us to be teachable
Teach us to trust your will even when your will may not be clear
Teach us to defend your will before it becomes your will
For thine are the decisions, the thoughts and the glory
For as long as you choose to be farm leader


Amen