WHY ADELE MUST BE BANNED IN NIGERIA

I have been doing a lot of thinking. About Adele. I often stop to reflect on the songs I know so well and whose lyrics I take for granted and sometimes I end up feeling ashamed for singing a song that turns out to be racist, sexist, misogynistic, hateful or judgmental. I love to grow. I change as soon as I find something that needs changing. 

Today, I make a pledge never to listen to Adele’s “Hello” ever again. Not just for me. For the many women in committed relationships with men who have once dated people like Adele. We know that men, Nigerian men especially, are weak. They fall into old patterns and the last thing you want is his crazy ex coming back into his life. You may fight and win your man back, but not after he has paid a few visits to the scene of the old crime. 

Let me not bore you. Join me as I break down the lyrics of the Adele song and lay the foundation for a law possibly banning Adele on our holy airwaves. (Because, we ban sexually explicit songs and Adele is far more dangerous than something like sex)

Hello, it’s me.

Ok. This is perhaps the only innocent line in the song. It gets messy right after. Brace yourselves. 

I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet.

All these years? You just show up, out of the blue, not even asking: are you seeing someone, are you married, did you give your life to Christ, become a priest? She shows up like an agent of the devil, to “meet”. Not even something easy, like, can we chat on WhatsApp, or can we Skype? She wants to meet. If he says no, he is petty. If he says yes, well, that is how a handshake turns into a hug.

To go over everything.

Is it midterm exams? Why do you want to go over something that finished many years ago? Why?

They say that time’s supposed to heal ya (she can’t even speak in complete words, so disrespectful) But I ain’t done much healing.

What if he has healed? So you want to use a knife and peel the scar so that you will both reach the same level of injury? Or what? Can’t you heal on your own? Or speak to a therapist? Or give your life to Christ and forsake all worldly pleasures?

I’m in California dreaming about who we used to be.

A dream happens to only one person because it is private. This is how God designed it. Why allow the devil use you to cause a brother to have adulterous thoughts because your dreams about the past persist. Normal people dream wake up, smile, and get on with their day. Adele wants to call someone she left years ago. And ruin their lives.

There’s such a difference between us, and a million miles

So he should do what now? Leave his girlfriend or wife, lie that he has a business meeting, board a plane and come and meet you? What if he crashes in the process? What will the blogs say? He was a cheater going to see his old lover when he died. They will call it karma, especially in the comments section where everyone says their mind. And he will go straight from the crash site to hell fire. Did Adele think this thing through?

I must have called a thousand times…

Don't you just hate people who keep calling? Can’t they just send an SMS and wait for you to call back? The worst part is that the guy would be with his phone ignoring the call and that is when his girlfriend will start suspecting stuff. Every man knows that it is not the calls you take that you are suspected for, but the calls you don't take. She will want to know who that person is that you cannot speak to them in front of her. And that is how trouble on the home front starts.

It’s so typical of me to talk about myself, I’m sorry. 

At this point I am only happy Adele knows she has a problem. Because a problem identified is a problem half solved. I just wish her recovery. 

I will stop the analysis here. I believe I have made my point. 

Whether Adele finds healing or not however we must do something about this song being on our airwaves. We need to send a strong statement to our young men and women that this is just unacceptable. And this is not about women. There is an Adele in every man and woman. You just need to find it and root it out before it causes you to sin. Even the scriptures say, if your right hand is causing you to sin, cut it off. For those who have an Adele in their lives or the lives of their partners, I pray that the good lord gives you the strength to overcome.