Sunday, May 15, 2016


A few years before Goodhead lost ownership of the farm to White, he proposed an increase in the cost of water sourced from pipes in the southern marshes of the farm. He said that he wanted the animals to pay the true cost of supplying water to their quarters which at the time the farm management was subsidising. The whole farm went livid and the farm ground to a halt. White, at the time just an ordinary wolf wanting to become farm manager, joined other animals to shut down the farm in response. White even said that anyone who claimed to be subsidising water was a liar and a thief. He claimed that it was the animals who were subsidising Goodhead and his criminal friends who were supplying water. Ultimately, Goodhead had to bribe some of the protest leaders with loans from the proceeds of savings from the proceeds of the partial removal of the subsidy on water. 

Now that White was farm manager it became clear how difficult it was getting the resources to keep the water flowing. The water had to be purified outside the farm and they had to pay for this with crops that were grown outside the farm. Sourcing these foreign crops for use in the exchange was becoming more and more expensive and White did not know what to do. 

To solve this problem White’s farm hands came up with an idea to increase the price of water. But White could not face the animals and tell them that he was increasing the cost of water. So he found an excuse: he went on a trip to a large farm 6 hours away and let one of his farm hands handle the bad news. The farm hand, a penguin named Na Ci Ku, explained to animals that the cost of water would rise by over 200%. The animals asked him if this was a removal of the subsidy but since Na Ci Ku was an animal that had sworn a blood oath about lying, it was hard for him to lie. So he just said that he did not want to go into the semantics of whether it was a removal of the subsidy on water or not. He just said that he wanted to convey White’s intention to let animals pay a more realistic cost for water. He said that this would save the farm a lot of resources which it was using to fully subsidise water. 

Meanwhile, White was having the time of his life outside the farm, being courted by different prominent farm managers. Before he left he had begun a game called “Guess What I Am Thinking?” with his farm hands. The animals would be agitated over an issue and he would walk around his quarters, silently winking at everyone, waiting for someone to guess what he was thinking. 

A foreign farm manager, from a farm that was full of sea otters who were historically notorious for raping baby seals and other animals, started casting aspersions on White’s farm. The farm manager Na Ci Alade was overheard telling other farm managers that White’s farm was full of rapist animals. This, coming from a farm manager who was sea otter, infuriated people on many farms. They called him a hypocrite. White’s farm hands issued a statement condemning Na Ci Alade and calling him a hypocrite. White watched his farm hands waiting for them to correctly guess what his opinion on the matter was. When White was outside the farm, foreign animals asked him to confirm what his farm hands had said in reaction to Na Ci Alade. “No,” White said, “I do not think Na Ci Alade is a hypocrite. I do not condemn him. He may come from a farm full of rapist animals, but all I want is for him to return the grains hidden by previous managers on my farm and their friends stashed there.” 

White giggled, since his farm hands had failed to predict what he was thinking. He found it funny that he always said the opposite of what they had told other animals about him. 

One of White’s farm hands Mai Karya, intoxicated by all the fermented grapes he had access to as farm hand, declared one evening that he did not owe animals an explanation of how he used the resources in the farm. Mai Karya was drunkenly singing hymns and praises to White as he told animals to stay out of his business as he used resources belonging to the farm. 

As the price of water increased, animals stopped walking long distances for fear that they would get thirsty on the way and be unable to afford water. Animals started mating infrequently because they didn’t want to get exhausted and dehydrated in the process. Pigs especially, known for having thirty minute orgasms started reconsidering the nature of their sexual liaisons. They held meetings proposing a change to shorter orgasms, like those of chickens. Saves water, they argued.

And Whitist priests continued recruiting worshippers for White. 

And White continued to enjoy his game of “Guess What I Am Thinking?” with his farm hands.

And some animals began to ask what happened to all the promises White made when he became farm manager. 

And wild dogs in the southern marshes of the farm threatened to burst all the water pipes that led from the marshes all across the farm. 

And worshippers of White continued praying for his safe return and singing his praises and chanting the words:

In the name of the White father
And of the farm hands
And of the holy Whitists…

Bless us White for we have sinned
Bless our thoughts
Bless our desires
Bless our intentions

Blessed be thy name
Thy will be done in every quarter among every animal species
Teach us to love your will
Teach us to be teachable
Teach us to trust your will even when your will may not be clear
Teach us to defend your will before it becomes your will
For thine are the decisions, the thoughts and the glory
For as long as you choose to be farm leader


1 comment:

  1. I believe that white has not realized that he's on a wild goose chase trying to recover grains stolen by previous farm managers and their friends starched away in the foreign farm filled with sea otters historically notorious for raping baby seals and other animals.


You fit vex, bet abeg no curse me. You hear?