Friday, August 26, 2016


With gratitude to God, a heavy heart and total submission to the will of the intolerant Nigerian people, I wish to announce the untimely demise of a dog belonging to a certain trader, Joachim Iroko, by the name of Buhari. Buhari died at the hands of unknown assailants. I was not aware of this dog's full name. I think it is unfair that dogs get only first names and although we claim to love them we have no regard for their ancestors or their need for blood lines. We snatch puppies from their mothers and take them to new homes. We separate puppies from their siblings in the most cruel way. And in the end, we erase any connection with their past by giving them only first names.

I do not know if Buhari was survived by siblings or if (I assume it is male) it fathered any children. What is important to know is that, Buhari is dead and it was not a natural death. 

It takes great courage to stand up for the innocent but powerless especially when people around are united against such a powerless individual. But I choose to stand with Buhari, the voiceless, powerless victim of the spiral of hate and intolerance. Now, one may say, (just like we all agreed when our army massacred the Shiites) that Buhari had it coming; that Buhari deserved to be killed because of all of its actions. And I think you have a point: Buhari was after all a dog. It must have peed in public places, bitten someone, mounted and gotten stuck in every female dog it could find or even eaten food that did not belong to it. This is what dogs do. The real question however is, does this mean Buhari deserved to die?

The murder happened when its owner Joachim Iroko, was in jail facing charges relating to the naming of Buhari. They said Iroko breached the peace by giving his dog such a name. I do not know why Mr Iroko named his pet Buhari. I do not know if he was tired of the dog, didn’t know how to dispose of it and so gave his dog a name he was sure would lead to its death. Because you know Nigerians, how fragile we are. You offend us, or insult something we have declared holy and it eats us up so bad that the only natural reaction is to kill the person who insults us or what we deem holy. I do not blame Nigerians. It hurts for someone to insult you or your prophet (or your president whom you worship like a prophet) and really, it is ok to kill when you are hurt. One must however be strategic and precise when killing fellow living things. Why kill Buhari who played no part in this perceived insult? 

Following the news of this untimely killing, I saw comments from people who said it was a provocation for Mr Joachim Iroko to name his dog after someone cherished by a certain group of people. I want to agree, but knowing animals like Buhari, I beg to differ. The only reason those people were upset was that they themselves do not value the life of dogs. They think dogs are worthless, beneath them. So they get upset if you name a dog after them. I think dogs have rights. Buhari has rights. Humans can be arrogant: we think we are the most superior of all the animals. I want to state here that dog lives matter. If you cannot make a dog, then don’t kill one. I realise there are people, like some from my village who eat dogs. I will address that matter another day. Today I am concerned with the taking of innocent life. 

Buhari did not choose his own name. He probably had no choice in whose owner he would become. He was probably chained all his life and treated like a slave, living outdoors or in a dirty cage. Let me say it again: I think that if someone offends you, you should kill them. Even worse if someone offends your God (especially as sometimes God needs us to do his dirty work for him - who else will kill those who insult him?). But Buhari did no such thing. 

Buhari’s killers probably poisoned him and left him to die in some gutter. This brings me to another issue: waste. Some people eat dogs. Now, to be clear, I am totally against the killing or consumption of dogs, but if there is no way of avoiding death, it is best to kill responsibly. At least kill the dog in a way that it would still be useful to those who find it edible. It is like being an organ donor. It is bad for you to die, but if that should happen then it is great if your organs are useful to someone else. They should have arranged with people from my village who eat dogs so that at least if Buhari had no value in life, in death he would please someone. 

I never got to meet Buhari personally, but his death saddens me. And it should sadden every believer in equal rights. I hope that our animal rights NGOs will step in and take up this matter. Buhari did not deserve to die. 

He will be missed.  #JusticeForBuhari #DogLivesMatter 

Ps. I am unsure if Mr Joachim Iroko has planned any funeral rites for Buhari. I will let you all know as soon as I find out about Buhari's funeral arrangements. 


  1. Lmao ����������

  2. This country is so lawless. So, now the police wouldn't investigate how Buhari was killed or even find out who did. So saddening that the dog is killed.

  3. Great satirical piece once again Eljo, LMAO@ Dog lives matter....I dong die

  4. Hehehe.. Good early morning laugh

  5. Lmao.

    We hope Elnathan won't be charged for "disturbing the piss" this time ������

  6. Looking forward to when we would start trending #FreeElnatan I can stake all I have that it wld be b4 december 18th.... #Doglifematter lool

  7. Reading this, tears literally came to my eyes. Maybe because I have a dog and I really love her, she's like family eventhough I can't ever be her real family (the wolves). Maybe it's because I entered into buhari and felt the confusion he must have felt (why are they hurting me? I've been starved so long, why? Etc). And worst, maybe it's because buhari died alone, in the pain, alone, no soothing words, no soothing touch, alone. May the Creator of all animals avenge his death. Amen.

  8. Elnathan John. You crazy guy! No doubt, you're good. I can see why you'll be an ever-recovering lawyer.

  9. Hilarious! But has good lessons.

  10. Wonderful article, as always. Ever considered writing on "How to be a Homophobe in Nigeria?"

  11. Or even how to be transgender in Nigeria. How to run a blog in Nigeria.
    Doglivesmatter lol, not in Nigeria oh. Dog is food here. Good piece. I wish you win the nlng


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