An Act to reduce air and sound pollution, to provide for punishment for stupid neighbors with loud generators and other matters related thereto.
1. Notwithstanding decades of irresponsible leadership and sabotage which has situated most parts of Nigeria in perpetual darkness, and notwithstanding the rights of citizens to seek alternatives for power supply, no citizen shall irritate or abuse his or her neighbors with the sound of his generator.
2. It shall be an offence to cause sound pollution with the use of noisy generators.
a. Seeing as air pollution is pollution of air, water pollution, pollution of water, the correct term for infractions covered by this Act shall be “sound pollution” and not “noise pollution” which is a nonsensical term. The only other term allowed for pollution of this kind will be aural pollution.
b. Persons who use the term noise pollution shall be liable to frog jumps for using a term that makes no sense.
3. It shall count as a defence to culpability if the perpetrator of sound pollution via loud generators allows his neighbors to tap from his electricity.
4. It shall NOT be an offence to pour water, salt or other damaging substances into the fuel tank of an offending loud generator belonging to one’s neighbor.
5. Persons who cause sound pollution with their loud generators shall not bring an action for damages or bring a criminal report to the Police in the event that a neighbor who as a result of being irritated by sound pollution, destroys the engine of a generator by secretly or openly pouring water or salt in the fuel tank of an offending generator.
6. Persons who cause sound or aural pollution with their generators shall be liable upon conviction to a term of imprisonment equal to the length of time they have cause sound pollution with their generators.
7. Heat is not a defence to the offence of sound pollution.
8. A crucial football match shall be a partial defence to sound pollution, capable of becoming a full defence ONLY if such person invites his neighbors in to watch the game together. The presence of cold drinks at this event shall be an added advantage.
9. Anyone who causes sound pollution at any time past 10pm at night or before 7am in the morning commits the offence of aggravated sound pollution and shall be liable upon conviction to forfeiture of the offending generator and wearing rumpled clothes to work and other functions for a period not less than one month.
10. Silent generators and large generators shared by whole compounds, estates or complexes are exempt from this Act.