Saturday, March 7, 2015


Give me a minute here. You think this is a waste of your time and you have nothing to learn from something that you should know how to do instinctively. I’m sorry to break it to you, but only few things come to us humans naturally, like lying and cheating (but just the act of cheating- getting away with cheating is something you have to learn). Every other thing must be learned through reading or observation. 

I see you got to the second paragraph. You are one of the smart ones. This shows you have at least one of the qualities of a good supporter: willingness to believe anything. Let’s start there. 

A good supporter must suspend all common sense during the election season. People who hate your candidate will fabricate all sorts of lies and spread them in the media. It is your job to first, deny those facts to yourself without thinking them through and next denouncing the peddler of that fact as a god-forsaken liar. It is important to not give those ideas a chance to breathe in your head otherwise you start believing them. You know like those friends who will come and tell you they saw your significant other in this place with this other person just to plant seeds of doubt in your mind and make you break up - next thing you know they are dating the person they made you break up with. Bloody traitors. The world is full of them. So if you read something bad your candidate did in the past, like killing people or stealing public funds, reject it in your mind - cast and bind it in the name of whichever God you worship.

Especially on social media, do a search of your candidate’s name and anywhere you find people talking about him, jump in and attack. Think of it this way: if you were riding in a bus, and two people were saying negative things about your spouse, would you let it go? Wouldn't you stop them and say, that’s my spouse you people are talking about? It is better to shut those kind of people up quickly because, think of it: what if someone hears those lies in the bus and before you can attack the lies, the person drops from the bus? That will be it! You may never see them again and forever and ever, they will believe the odious lies that they heard and somewhere in the world, someone will believe that your spouse is a horrible person and there will be nothing you can do about it. Isn't that a spine-chilling thought? Think of this possibility every time you hear someone criticising your candidate and do the right thing: attack. That may be the only chance of saving him from a lifetime of infamy. 

There are times when you want to tell everyone about your candidate and praise everything your candidate does but then you are filled with guilt because, you have never done the same about your parents or even worse, about the God you worship. You may feel that your God will feel slighted and jealous about this sudden reverence you have for a fellow human being. Don’t let that guilt get in the way of telling everyone about how much of a saint your candidate is. Your God will understand. I think so - I mean I don’t know about every God but the main ones might not mind. Who knows, your God may even like your saintly candidate. (We can never know until after the elections and INEC reveals which of the candidates your God preferred to ruin the country.)

Never fail to say that you know that your candidate will win. Even though you have only one vote and you cannot say for sure how the rest of the country will vote, there is one thing you know: your party and candidate are God’s gift to Nigeria. In fact people should be thanking God that your candidate has chosen to abandon personal pursuits and has decided to sacrifice time and resources to serve Nigeria. And as the singer Tuface famously sang: Who God have bless no man can curse. God has stamped the victory in heaven, and whatever is decided in heaven cannot be stopped on earth. Your candidate will win. There is no other way. 

In the unlikely situation that someone does find incriminating evidence that your candidate has done something not particularly praiseworthy, you must react by pointing out how the other candidate also does similar things. In other words, as Doyin Okupe, the presidential spokesman once said: ojoro cancel ojoro. Or in English: two wrongs make it all right. While you are at it, do well to use very effective catch phrases like: He who is without sin should cast the first stone or No man is perfect or My candidate is only human

It is important to be vigilant to the fact that anyone who stands in opposition to your candidate must have been paid by the other party. You need to regularly accuse people who do not support you of being paid. Because anyone with half a brain should know that your candidate is the only hope for Nigeria and if he does not win, Nigeria will crumble. God forbid that Nigeria should crumble. 

Thank you for sharing your candidate with Nigeria and the world. It is my hope that everyone will join you in seeing the light that only you and your candidate can provide. God bless. 


  1. Good one.Permission to share-although I can see the share button,just being curteous.😃

  2. Couldn't stop laughing at the quote from tuface. Really? Who God "HAVE BLESS"? Naija though.

    You are right. Some people have never "campaigned for their Lord e.g. JESUS who reportedly died for their sins as well as other magnificent works this viciously. They have never praised their parents who feed them even till now (well, some of them) this loudly.

    We all need to calm down. These presidential candidates, with the exception of your darling self, are all imperfect humans who from experience are bound to mess up. All politicians are corrupt but some are more corrupt than the others. All this vicious shouting only leads to headache and violence. Express your devotion by going to vote on the day of election.

    Elnathan John for president...or Fitzgerald.

  3. If Elnathan is half of the messiah that I swear that he is,he would never accept any offer to hold a political position.

  4. I have read a couple of Mr El Nathan's posts now.

    I can confidently say that his writing is rubbish. Utterly so. However, it is amusing rubbish. Rubbish that at times, borders annoyingly close to the brilliant.

    And so...*sniff, sniff*...I am jealous.

    I will definitely not be recommending Mr El Nathan's writing to anyone. Definitely not to anyone I am trying to convince that I myself can be clever with words.

    Before you know it, the person I recommend him to will forget about my own eloquent ways and be going on about how funny that El Nathan guy is and whether I read his latest post on this or that. Tufia.

  5. HAHAHAHAHA. Too funny. Thanks

  6. Elnathan like the little drops of rain that fill an ocean is a truthful liar mixing humor with morals.
    I enjoy your post sir.


You fit vex, bet abeg no curse me. You hear?