(The Gospel According to Prophet Sule as penned
down by his dubious self-appointed scribe Elnathan)
You are a critic. A fiery academic. Nobody is
spared from your acerbic tongue. Usually people will shy away from saying
unflattering things about masters like Soyinka and Achebe because they have
earned a place is history and all but no, not you. Achebe is overrated. You nod
your head while you say this- a confident almost defiant nod.
You are upset about Nigerian literature. This
is the real reason you are so bitter and so merciless when you critique works
by Nigerians. So you take the bull by the horn and you decide to write your own
books. You are not doing badly- as a Nigerian academic, students must purchase
your books. The competition you entered for the last time did not even as much
as shortlist your book. And you see the winners- none of them would pass a
course if they were your students. But this is not why you will declare that no
book that has won the biggest Nigerian literature prize has become a classic. It
is not why you think giving so much money to one undeserving writer is bad. You
do it because deep down you love Nigerian literature.
If you don’t do something fast, something
terrible will happen. Nigeria may disintegrate in 2015 without a modern
classic. This is serious enough to make you return to your vomit. To make you
lie between the legs of the woman you called a slut only 5minutes ago,
drooling. It is all for Nigerian literature. You will enter the prize and win. And
everything you have been trying to teach lazy unskillful Nigerian writers will
be learnt through your book. It will be celebrated even 50 years after, and if
at that time any upstart rises to call you overrated, God will judge them
mercilessly. This is how you write a classic: start out intending to write one.
Amen.
Love your blog its so different from the others however it takes you so long to post I keep checking everyday for new posts. Please write more often so I don't have to go back to my vomit too
ReplyDeleteThat's right, "God will judge them mercilessly", im off to start working on my Nigerian classic.
ReplyDeleteYou are good at what u do sir.
ReplyDeleteThis made my day.
ReplyDeleteHilarious...yet so much truth in the humor and sarcasm.
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