(The Gospel According to Prophet Sule as penned down by his dubious self-appointed scribe Elnathan)
You are a critic. A fiery academic. Nobody is spared from your acerbic tongue. Usually people will shy away from saying unflattering things about masters like Soyinka and Achebe because they have earned a place is history and all but no, not you. Achebe is overrated. You nod your head while you say this- a confident almost defiant nod.
You are upset about Nigerian literature. This is the real reason you are so bitter and so merciless when you critique works by Nigerians. So you take the bull by the horn and you decide to write your own books. You are not doing badly- as a Nigerian academic, students must purchase your books. The competition you entered for the last time did not even as much as shortlist your book. And you see the winners- none of them would pass a course if they were your students. But this is not why you will declare that no book that has won the biggest Nigerian literature prize has become a classic. It is not why you think giving so much money to one undeserving writer is bad. You do it because deep down you love Nigerian literature.
If you don’t do something fast, something terrible will happen. Nigeria may disintegrate in 2015 without a modern classic. This is serious enough to make you return to your vomit. To make you lie between the legs of the woman you called a slut only 5minutes ago, drooling. It is all for Nigerian literature. You will enter the prize and win. And everything you have been trying to teach lazy unskillful Nigerian writers will be learnt through your book. It will be celebrated even 50 years after, and if at that time any upstart rises to call you overrated, God will judge them mercilessly. This is how you write a classic: start out intending to write one. Amen.